LOVE ≠ $3x

Going back to a year back before starting to see the world differently, around 2011, I would try to be more outgoing and head to bars to drink my ass off. I would drink thinking in my mind that no one loved me and that would help me cleanse those sorrows away momentarily. I would wake up in the ER or in random places (bath tubs). Having vodka for breakfast wasn't the best of things. But I was young and naive...
I wanted to fit in. I wanted love and there was actually a point where I thought I managed to gain a woman's attention. I won't mention her name but, she pretty much played mind games with me. She was a friend of my cousin's girlfriend at the time and even they confirmed she felt something for me, but always denied it when I asked. But she would keep on continuing her game. Touching me and such, it was so confusing, but annoying to me.

The only relationships I have ever had were online, with women abroad. They lasted for quite a while but ended due to differences. I keep in contact with them because there should not be any remorse for what happened and could have been. I met one of them last year, and it was a great experience overall. She was into me but unfortunately due to not having the time, we just left it at that.
It always was tough for me to even talk to women. But I guess at these times I also had the wrong mindset. Due to circumstances I have gotten "lucky" and things happened. I have never made love, only have had sex, and there definitely is a difference between them...

I found porn at a young age. The simple notion of this infected my mind and made me think, "this is love". I was on it daily for so long but didn't realize how in the long run it would affect me. I think back to it and it could have been one of the high points to why I stuck on low self-esteem for so long. Though I did deeper research and managed to slowly but surely not make it all about sex...

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One of the most important things you must do in order to love another is... LOVE YOURSELF (No this does not mean become a Narcissist) Be happy with who you are, the creator made you this way for a reason. Once you have accepted your flaws, another like minded individual will flow your way. Like the other half piece of a locket that has been missing like, forever.

It took me a good amount if time to discover this in my late adult years, but now I feel happier and am not held back by any "standards". All that has happened from the point you took first breath until now had to happen for a reason, to make way to THIS time in the present.

Love is not just sex. Love is caring for one another. Being around for each other and unraveling a person's magnificence through their flaws and accepting them to the fullest extent. Because that uniqueness is what makes them so attractive to you. Not everything will be perfect, but just knowing that they accept you for YOU, is all you need to know that the time with them is worth it.

In the current state of the world, we thrive so much on sexuality, due to the easy access to pornography and the certain notion of it just being repeated again and again in our mainstream culture. Just listen to the current mainstream music, it's all about sex really (And ASS, can't forget that).

Look at the commercials on television, having eye candy (sexuality) to sell a product. I agree with feminists in this point, our culture has really corrupted the idea of women. Pornography certainly degraded them, and what man doesn't watch porn nowadays? I mean yes, sex is an important part, but to what point is it enough? When your mind is flooded with it, it's tough to let your mind free from it.

It's a sad reality but people are fighting each other for these things. The MGTOW movement would even stay far away from women and move on to robots. Where is the love? Its dying because of the corrupted ideas that have been established for the long run are manipulating our own logic and reason. A sad reality is a hyper sexual culture creates these deviants who can't find satisfaction in just sex and move on to more "weirder" things. Pornography does damage your mind, there have been studies on it.

All I'm saying now is find a connection more than sex. That drive only lasts so long also. Beauty the same thing, we all age, and it's a natural thing. Don't let a momentary circumstance ruin building a marvelous relationship. Love a person for which they are, not for what they look without clothes (were all born naked lol)

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ (Yup, here are some studies)